Boundaries are imaginary lines we establish around ourselves to protect our souls, hearts, and minds from the unhealthy or damaging behavior of others. It is recommended to extend your boundaries at least two or three times beyond where they are.
When a person has healthy boundaries:
- Fear diminishes significantly; trust is rarely an issue
- Willing, healthy family members and true friends respect these
- They start growing more emotionally and developmentally
- What happens when one’s boundaries are weak:
- They attract needy, disrespectful people into their lives
- The waste much energy to keeping life going
10 Steps To Having Extensive Boundaries
- “Get” that you need to dramatically extend your boundaries
- Be willing to educate others how to respect your new ones
- Be relentless, yet not punitive, as you extend boundaries
- Make a list of the 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you
- Sit down with each person involved and share with them your process here; get their commitment to honoring you
- Demand that every single person in your life is always unconditionally constructive in every single comment to you: No more digs, make-funs, deprecating remarks, criticisms… No matter what or who or the situation!!
- Have and use a 4-step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries: (1) Inform them what they are doing (2) Request they stop immediately (3) Demand they Stop (4) Walk away without any snappy or get-even comments
- Make a list of 10 ways you are violating others’ boundaries
- Stop violating the boundaries on that list
- Reward, congratulate those who are respecting boundaries
(Reprinted with permission from Coach University, 1994)
